


The Perks of Being a Wallflower

by SydnieAust



Category: Glee, The Perks of Being a Wallflower - All Media Types
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-26
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:20:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 9
Words: 15,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24920710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SydnieAust/pseuds/SydnieAust
Summary: Socially awkward Sam is a wallflower, always watching life from the sidelines, until two charismatic students become his best friends. Free-spirited Mercedes and her best friend Kurt help Sam discover the joys of friendship, first love, music. But, as his new best friends prepare to leave for college, Sam's inner sadness threatens to shatter his newfound confidence.A mashup of Glee and The Perks of Being a Wallflower.
Relationships: Finn Hudson/Kurt Hummel, Kurt Hummel & Mercedes Jones, Rachel Berry/Finn Hudson, Sam Evans & Kurt Hummel, Sam Evans/Mercedes Jones, Sam Evans/Santana Lopez, Santana Lopez/Brittany S. Pierce
Comments: 4
Kudos: 19





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Let me begin by saying, before his death, there was a lot of information that came out about Mark Salling. I do not in anyway condone or accept any of the things he did. However, I am able to separate Mark from the character Noah Puckerman, and hopefully you can as well. So please, do not think I approve of any of the things he did.

* * *

_Dear Friend, I am writing to you because she said you listen and understand and didn’t try to sleep with that person at that party even though you could have. Please don’t try to figure out who she is because then you might figure out who I am, and I don't want you to do that. I just need to know that people like you exist. Like if you met me, you wouldn’t think I was the weird kid who spent time in the hospital. And I wouldn’t make you nervous._

Sam anxiously walks through the hallway of his suburban split level house.

_I hope it’s okay for me to think that. You see, I haven’t really talked to anyone outside of my family all summer._

He walks into the living room where his dad, Dwight, is watching a football game while his mom, Mary, reads a magazine and sips her white wine. Sam waits for them to notice him and waits and waits.

Later that night, he sits at his desk, continuing his letter in pencil.

_But tomorrow is my first day of public high school ever, since I was at an all-boys school freshman and sophomore year, and I really need to turn things around this year. So, I have a plan. As I walk in the school for the first time, I will visualize what it will be like on the last day of my senior year. I counted, and that’s...360 days from now. Just 360 days._

POBAW~POBAW~POBAW~POBAW

The next morning, the first day of school, the bell rings, the chaotic maze of the hallway overwhelms him.

Azimio leads the ritual, slushie-ing their victims. Leaving them cold, wet, and sticky all day. “Welcome to high school!”

As they slushie more victims, Sam moves to the wall and varsity football players pass, wearing their letter jackets.

“Man, you got big,” says Karofsky.

“Worked out all summer. Rock hard, dude,” says Puck.

At the front of the pack is Finn Hudson, the quarterback. He’s good looking, charismatic, friendly. The big man on campus and a nice guy, too.

“Would you guys get a room?” he asks.

They laugh.

Sam turns to the trophy case to avoid them. Trying to make himself as small as possible.

POBAW~POBAW~POBAW~POBAW

Sam moves down the lunch line with his sister, Quinn. She’s a beautiful type A, straight A priss.

_In the meantime, I’d hoped that my sister Quinn and her boyfriend Biff would have let me eat lunch with their Young Achievers club._

“Club only,” she answers. She turns to Biff. “What are you doing with a plastic spork?”

Biff's such a douche, the most interesting thing about him is his sharp jawline. “I don’t want to bring back silverware--”

“Biff, you’re Earth Club President.” She grabs silverware and Biff takes it like a beaten dog.

Sam watches them walk into the intimidating cafeteria. He finds an empty table in the corner and sits alone, observing everyone having a great time with their friends. He turns his attention to Finn.

_There’s Finn Hudson, who’s the quarterback of our team. Before my brother went to play football for UCLA, he and Finn played together. So, I thought maybe he’d say hi to me. But Finn’s popular, and I’m me, so...who am I kidding?_

Finn catches Sam staring at him. Awkward.

POBAW~POBAW~POBAW~POBAW

After lunch, in shop class, Sam’s sitting by himself, watching everyone laugh as a boy paints a goatee on his face with a grease pencil.

_On the bright side, a kid decided to make fun of the teacher instead of the other kids. He even drew on Mr. Callahan’s legendary goatee with a grease pencil._

Kurt, full of confidence, mischief, and so over high school. He’s the class clown, performing a perfect imitation of the teacher, Mr. Callahan. “Boys, the prick punch is not a toy. I learned that in ‘Nam back in ‘68. ‘Callahan,’ the sergeant said, ‘put down that prick punch and go kill some gooks.’”

The laughter suddenly dies as the real Mr. Callahan walks up behind the oblivious Kurt.

“But you know what happened? That prick punch killed my best friend in a Saigon whorehouse.” He suddenly feels Mr. Callahan behind him. Oops.

Mr. Callahan sighs. “I heard you were going to be in my class again. Do you enjoy being my verbal punching bag, Hummel Figurine?”

“Look, my name is Kurt. You call me Kurt or you call me nothing.”

“Okay...Nothing.”

The class laughs, except Sam. He watches Kurt take the long walk back to his seat.

_I felt really bad for Kurt. He wasn’t saying the impersonation to be mean or anything. He was just trying to take the heat off bullied kids._

“Everyone open your safety guides. Nothing...why don’t you read first?”

Kurt opens his book and begins reading. “‘Chapter 1. Surviving your homophobic shop teacher, who needs to put kids down to feel big.’” He turns to the class. “Oh, wow. This is useful guys. We should read on.”

Sam smiles, he loves him already.

POBAW~POBAW~POBAW~POBAW

_My last class of the day, glee club. I figured I should join at least one thing that I enjoy. When I walk in, I see Kurt talking with his friends. I don’t say hi or anything, but it’s nice to see a friendly face. I sit down and watch the other students walk in. To my surprise, I see Finn walk in with the loudest and shortest girl I’ve ever seen. Then, my sister walks in. I didn’t tell her I was joining, so she’s really surprised to see me._

“Sam, what’re you doing here?”

“I figured I should join at least one club that I’m doing something that I like. I-I can leave.”

“No! Please, stay.” She sits down next to him. “Lucky for you, we’re down a member.”

Mr. Shue walks in. “Welcome everyone! I’m glad we have a new recruit joining us.” He looks pointedly at Sam.

Sam nervously gets up. “Hi everyone, I’m Sam. Sam...I am. And I don’t like green eggs and ham.”

Quinn gets second-hand embarrassment.

“Oh, wow. He has no game,” says Santana.

“Well, Sam, you have to audition before we can officially let you into the club,” says Mr. Shue.

He starts getting nervous. “I do?”

“Yes. And you can sing any song you want.”

Sam nods and walks over to the band area and whispers a song in their ear and grabs a guitar. He walks to the front of the room and hugs the guitar close. “This is one of my favorite songs and I hope you guys enjoy it.”

**Sam:**

Why do birds suddenly appear

Every time you are near?

Just like me

They long to be

Close to you

Why do stars fall down from the sky

Every time you walk by?

Just like me

They long to be

Close to you

On the day that you were born

And the angels got together

And decided to create a dream come true

So they sprinkled moondust

In your hair of gold

And starlight in your eyes of blue

That is why all the boys in town

Follow you all around

Just like me

They long to be

Close to you

He hesitantly looks up from the guitar and sees everyone smiling and swaying to the music. He gets a smile on his face.

On the day that you were born

And the angels got together

And decided to create a dream come true

So they sprinkled moondust

In your hair of gold

And starlight in your eyes of blue

That is why all the boys in town

Follow you all around

Just like me

They long to be

Close to you

Just like me

They long to be

Close to you

Aah, aah, aah, ooh yeah

Close to you

Aah, aah, aah

Aah aah aah

Oh, close to you

There’s applause from the glee club.

He sighs heavily.

“Good job, Sam! Welcome to the glee club!” says Mr. Shue.

He smiles and puts the guitar back and sits back down.

Quinn leans over. “That was really good.”

......

After glee club, he walks out and gets swallowed up by the hallway as the bell rings. Out of nowhere, the senior bully grabs one of Sam’s books.

“Hey, frog lips.” The bully rips the cover and throws it on the ground as his friends laugh and disappear down the hall. Sam walks up and picks up his book.

_Well, I have 359 days to go._

POBAW~POBAW~POBAW~POBAW

Sam walks up the path to his house.

_If my parents ask me about it, I probably won’t tell them the truth because I don’t want them to worry that I might get bad again._

In the living room, Sam tapes his book cover back together. He looks up as his dad comes home from a long day and his mom hugs him.

_If my Aunt Helen were still here, I could talk to her. And I know she would understand how I am both happy and sad, and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be. I just hope I make a friend soon. Love always, Sam._

…

At dinnertime, Sam’s standing in the kitchen, pouring his milk.

“Sam, honey, come on,” says his mom from the dining room. The family's seated around the table.

Biff is their special guest. “Mmmm. This chicken paprikash is delicious, Mrs. Evans.”

Dwight rolls his eyes, then reads the sports page.

“Thank you, Biff. It’s Sam's favorite. He was a little nervous about starting McKinley, so I made it.”

“You feel a little silly being nervous now, huh, champ?” asks Dwight.

“Yes, sir. I sure do.” He carries his milk back to the table. He quickly sits, hoping someone will change the subject.

“I told you. Just give ‘em a smile and be yourself. That’s how you--”

“‘--make friends in the real world.”’ Quinn finishes.

“You’re cruisin’ for a bruisin’,” Dwight smiles.

“Sam actually joined glee club today,” smiles Quinn.

Mary gets a big smile on her face. “That’s wonderful sweetheart!”

Sam starts turning red.

“Junior year is tough, but you really find yourself,” says Biff, trying to be helpful.

Dwight rolls his eyes. “Thanks, Biff.”

…

After dinner, Dwight and Mary are watching a local sports show. Sam passes by them with a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos on his way downstairs.

“I think you could be a little nicer to Biff,” says Mary.

“I’m sorry. The kid’s a pussy. I can’t stand him,” replies Dwight. “What kind of name is Biff?”

Sam walks into the entry hall. He looks through the screen door to the porch where Quinn kisses Biff’s cheek goodbye. As Biff walks to his Audi, Quinn joins Sam on the porch.

“I hope you love the mix I made! The cover is hand-painted.” Biff waves. When he gets into his car, she hands Sam the CD.

“Sam, do you want this?”

“Are you sure?”

“He gives me one every week.” She walks back into the house.

…

A little while later, Sam’s sitting on his bed, drawing in his notebook. Biff’s mix, Autumn Leaves, spin in his old boombox. _Hey, Babe. This next one might be a little sad, but it reminded me of your eyes,_ says Biff on the tape. The first notes of The Smiths’ “Asleep” begins. As Morrissey sings, he’s still drawing.


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bold = Flashback

* * *

A few weeks pass and Sam still hangs out by himself. He doesn’t sit with anyone at lunch and Quinn only talks to her friends in glee. He watches as everyone lives their lives, all he has is Biff’s mixes and his drawings.

POBAW~POBAW~POBAW~POBAW

The next Friday, he decides to go to the home football game. Might as well, his sister’s on the cheerleading team and it’d be cool to see Finn play. He buys his Coke and nachos and heads to the bleachers. He’s sitting alone, trying to blend in by cheering with the rest of the students. When the Titans recover a fumble, he hears… 

“Come on Titans! Whoooooo!” cheers Kurt.

Sam looks up at Kurt, cheering his head off.

Twin senior girls pass him, taunting.

“Hey, Nothing.”

“Hey, Nothing.”

“Oh suck it, virginity pledges! Suck it!” he yells after them.

Sam wants to go up to Kurt so badly. After driving himself crazy, getting up and down twice, he finally walks over. “Hey…Kurt?”

“Hey! You’re in my shop class, right?” Sam nods, surprised Kurt noticed him. “How’s your clock coming?”

Sam shrugs. “My dad’s building it.”

“Cool. Mine looks great. Not to brag, but that’s why I take shop so much. To rub in Callahan’s face that us homos can build things too.”

Sam doesn’t say anything.

“You want to sit down, or are you waiting for your friends?”

“No. I’ll sit if that’s okay?”

Kurt motions for Sam to sit and Sam sits, elated.

“Thanks for not calling me ‘Nothing’ by the way. It’s an endless nightmare. And these mouth breathers actually think they’re being original.”

Finn puts on his helmet and rushes onto the field.

Sam dries his hands on his pants. He’s so nervous. Five seconds of silence that feels like a year go by. _Think of something to say! Anything!_ “So, uh…you like football?”

“Love it. I love football. I was the kicker sophomore year until the gorillas became unbearable.”

“Then, maybe you know my broth--”

“Hey, Mercedes.”

Sam looks up and standing there is the most beautiful girl he’s ever seen. Mercedes, who boys would pass by, but men would go to the ends of the earth for. She’s alive, adventurous, and a world class flirt. Great attitude. Great taste. Great banter. And has the most dangerous curves.

“Question. Could the bathrooms here be more disgusting?”

“Yes, they call it the men’s room. Why do you think I use the ladies’?”

Mercedes sits down, sandwiching Sam between her and Kurt.

Sam tries to remain casual. _Hang in there, buddy._

“So, I talked to Puck during halftime,” she says.

“Party tonight?” asks Kurt.

“Nope. He’s still gonna try to bang that waitress from Breadstix.”

Kurt sighs. “He’s never tossing that salad.”

Finn runs the Titans offense down the field. The audience applauds.

Mercedes looks at Sam, then turns back to Kurt. “Kurt…who’s this?”

“This is Sam…from glee club.”

“Oh shit, that’s right!” she exclaims. “You sang that beautiful audition song.”

Sam blushes. “Thank you.”

“You know, you remind me of someone.”

“Well, my sister’s in glee club, too.”

Kurt gasps. “Quinn’s your sister! No shit! She’s dating Bonehead Biff!”

“Is that what they call him?” asks Sam.

“Aww. Leave Bonehead Biff alone,” reprimands Mercedes. “You put the ‘ass’ in ‘class,’ Kurt.”

“I try, ‘Cedes. I try.”

“Well, it’s nice to formally meet you, Sam. I’m Mercedes.” She extends her hand to him and they shake. Then, she casually grabs a nacho.

“So, what’s the plan, ‘Cedes? You want to go to Santana’s?”

“Can’t. She got caught sneaking her parent’s brandy in her room and trying to replace it with iced tea. Let’s just go to the Lima Bean.”

He turns to Sam. “Hey…we’re going to the Lima Bean after the game if you want to come.”

Sam nods just as Finn tosses a touchdown pass. The fans go crazy, especially Kurt. Sam smiles.

POBAW~POBAW~POBAW~POBAW

The Lima Bean patrons cheer as Finn and his guys walk in. The place is packed. Kurt and Mercedes drink coffee while Sam eats his brownie. Kurt proudly watches Finn.

“Do you have a favorite band?” asks Mercedes.

“I think The Smiths are my favorite,” Sam answers.

“Are you kidding!? I love The Smiths! The best breakup band ever. What’s your favorite song?”

“'Asleep'. It’s from ‘Louder Than Bombs’. I heard it on Bonehead Biff’s mix.”

“God, that works on so many levels,” says Kurt.

“I could make a copy for you,” offers Sam.

“Thanks. What about Eide’s? You love Eide’s, right?” ask Mercedes.

“Yeah! They’re great.”

Kurt smiles. “Not a band, Sam.”

“It’s an old record store downtown,” she clarifies.

“You know, I used to be popular before Mercedes got me some good music. So, watch out, Sam. She’ll ruin your life forever.”

Sam laughs nervously. “That’s okay.”

Finn passes with some of the football players. They start taunting Kurt.

“Hey, Nothing,” says Azimio.

“Hey, Nothing,” says Karofsky.

“Let it go! Jesus! It’s an antique joke! It’s over!”

Mercedes laughs. She loves watching Kurt get riled up. “So, Sam, what are you going to do when you get out of here?”

“My Aunt Helen said I should be a comic book artist, but I don’t know what I’d draw or what the story should be.”

“You could write about us!” offers Mercedes.

“Yeah. Call it Slut and The Falcon. Make us solve crimes!” says Kurt excitedly.

Mercedes laughs.

Sam smiles. “You guys look happy together. How long have you been boyfriend and girlfriend?”

Mercedes and Kurt laugh loudly.

“What?”

“Kurt’s my best friend in the entire world. When he stopped being friends with the annoying Jewish girl, Rachel, sophomore year, we’ve been close ever since.”

“You mean the one in glee club?”

Kurt nods. “But Mercedes is not bitter. Make no mistake.”

“Absolutely. I’m not a bulimic. I’m a bulim-ist.”

They laugh at their inside joke.

Sam has no idea what’s so funny. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what that means.”

“She just really believes in bulimia,” says Kurt trying to keep a straight face.

She cracks up. “I love bulimia.”

……

Sam hops out of Kurt’s SUV and the music’s blaring.

“Thanks for paying, Sam,” says Kurt.

Sam smiles huge. “No problem. Thanks for the ride. Hey…maybe I’ll talk to you guys in glee?”

Kurt turns up the volume.

“God, would you turn that down?” yells Mercedes. “You’re going to make us deaf!” She turns to Sam. “Bye, Sam!”

“Bye, Sam!” says Kurt.

“Okay. Bye!” Sam waves as the truck leaves. The smile on his face. The happiness from one night of company.

He walks into the house, excited to tell someone his news. He runs up the stairs to find the living room empty. He hears the TV playing downstairs in the basement. As he approaches, he hears muffled sounds of fighting.

“I’m sorry. I can’t do anything about it. Please talk to me,” says Biff.

“Maybe your mom and I should have a ‘drive us to our hair appointment’ contest. Then, I could spend a Saturday with you,” says Quinn.

Sam looks through a slit in the open door to find…

“There’s nothing I can do--”

“Do you always want to be a mama’s boy for the rest of your life?”

“I am not a mama’s boy!”

“Yes! You are! Every time I go to your house--”

“Shhh. Shut u--”

“--your mom says, ‘Don’t go to Yale with Quinn. Go to Ohio State, Biff. Mommy needs you to stay at home because she can’t drive herself.’”

“SHUT UP, QUINN!” Biff’s neck is red. He’s dangerously angry.

She keeps digging. “And you just stand there like a little bitch dog.”

Out of nowhere, he slaps her across the face. Silence. She turns and sees Sam and it sobers her up. Sam moves at Biff, but she stops him.

“Sam, just go. I can handle it. Just don’t wake up Mom and Dad.” She pushes him out of the room and closes the door.

…

Sam’s sitting on his bed, so disturbed. He hears a car start outside. He walks to his window and looks down at Biff and Quinn near his car and he’s crying. Quinn comforts him. After a while, they kiss.

Sam stands frozen, a look creeping across his face. He flashes back to his 10th birthday.

**“Hey, look who’s here!” says Mary from the front door.**

**The door opens to reveal Dwight and Aunt Helen. She walks in carrying a suitcase. The kids don’t know where she’s been or why she looks sad. They just know they love her. Sam stands at the top of the stairs with his brother and sister in their Sunday clothes. There’s balloons and streamers hung up everywhere.**

**“Welcome home, Aunt Helen!” says Quinn.**

**“Oh. Look at you all, dressed so nice.” She smiles at Sam on top of the stairs.**

Sam’s standing at the top of the stairs as Quinn walks back in the house. She’s startled when she sees Sam.

“What are you doing?” asks Sam.

“Look, I egged him on. You saw it. He’s never hit me before. And I promise he’ll never hit me again.” She’s about to go back downstairs when…

“Like Aunt Helen’s boyfriends?”

A silence passes between them.

“Sam…this is Bonehead Biff. I can handle him. Will you trust me? Please, don’t tell Mom and Dad.” With a desperately confident nod, she goes downstairs.

Sam stands in the entry hall, troubled.


	3. Chapter Three

* * *

The next Monday, Sam walks into glee club, smiling at Kurt and Mercedes and sitting in between them like at the football game.

Mr. Shue claps his hands. “Alright everybody. Let’s give it up for Finn, Puck, and Mike for leading the Titans to victory on Friday!”

Everyone claps.

Rachel kisses him on the cheek and Kurt sees the interaction.

“Now, it’s time to decide on our setlist for Sectionals. So, since there are a lot of seniors, I thought our setlist should reflect growing up. So, we will start with “ABC” by The Jackson Five, “Control” by Janet Jackson, and “Man in the Mirror” by Michael Jackson.”

The class chatters excitedly.

“And who’s singing what?” asks Rachel.

“Well, I thought we should give everyone an equal opportunity like we did last year,” answers Mr. Shue. “Everyone will get a solo line or chorus.”

“Yes!” shouts Santana and Tina.

Sam sits there with wide eyes, suddenly getting nervous.

“Why are you punishing me again?” asks Rachel.

“Not everything’s about you Rachel,” says Tina.

“To be honest, I’m surprised we haven’t staged a mutiny against you,” says Santana.

Rachel gets a pouty look on her face.

“This is our setlist and I will assign solos over the next week.”

The bell rings.

“Alright guys, see you after school.”

POBAW~POBAW~POBAW~POBAW

A week later, the Homecoming Dance is in full swing. Sam’s alone leaning against the wall, dressed in his best suit. On the outside, he looks adorable. But on the inside, he’s in hell. He watches Quinn slow dance with Biff. As happy as she looks, Sam’s still isn’t sure if he did the right thing by keeping quiet. The song ends to applause. After a moment, Sam turns away. He sees Finn dancing offbeat with Rachel from the glee club. He looks miserable. He turns his head and sees Mercedes and Kurt at the punch bowl. With Puck trying to spike it. The first notes of “4 Minutes” by Madonna and Justin Timberlake start playing.

“Oh, my God! They’re playing good music,” exclaims Mercedes.

“Holy shit. They are!” yells Kurt. “They’re playing good music!”

“Living room routine?” she asks.

“Living room routine!”

Sam watches as Mercedes and Kurt run to the center of the floor and show this stiff crowd what dancing is. It starts slow. “So over it” hand moves. A little shoulder. And then, the most coordinated dance he’s ever seen. A minute of genius.

Sam takes a breath. He then tries to desperately not to look like he’s dancing toward them as he dances toward them. He bobs his head like a dork. And once he gets close, Kurt and Mercedes turn and find him.

“Hey!” they yell.

Without a pause, they grab his hands, and move together in a circle. Their own island. After a moment, Mercedes moves around Sam like a maypole as the whole gym explodes into dance.

……

After Homecoming, Mercedes, Kurt, and Sam are walking up to Puck’s house. The party’s raging inside. Kurt and Mercedes walk up the steps with Sam tailing behind them.

“God, it’s freezing,” says Mercedes.

“But you wore that toasty costume,” says Kurt sassily. “It’s not like you’re trying too hard to be original.”

“Piss off, Tennessee Tuxedo.”

“Are you sure it’s okay that I come?” asks Sam.

“Of course,” says Mercedes. “Just remember, Sam, Puck’s not paranoid…”

“He’s sensitive,” finishes Kurt.

Mercedes knocks on the door. It opens, revealing Puck.

Puck’s the bad boy at school, who’s in danger of never leaving their hometown. He’s on the football team with Finn and in the glee club.

He pouts. “Mama, that waitress from the Olive Garden is such a tease. Will you marry me?”

“Only if I have Kurt’s blessing.”

He gets on his knees. “Kurt, please? This is my only chance at happiness.”

“Your only ambition is to have a pool cleaning business. So, I’m going to have to say ‘no’ on that one, but nice try. Sam?” He grabs Sam's hand and leads him inside, leaving Puck staring at Mercedes.

“Touché.”

Kurt walks Sam down to the basement. “Sam, this is a party.”

The music blasts. As they walk through the crowd, you can smell it. Stale beer and cigarette smoke. The room’s packed with kids beer pong and other kids are pouring vodka into a watermelon.

“This is what fun looks like.” Kurt smiles when he spots two friends. “You ready to meet some desperate women?”

Santana and Brittany are sitting on the sofa together. Santana’s smart, extremely bossy and a bitch, but in the best way possible. Brittany’s her best friend, kinda dumb, but has a big heart and an. They do everything together; cheerleading, glee club, sex.

“Here, have a seat. Hey, ladies, meet Sam. Sam, meet ladies.”

They shake hands and say their hellos.

“This is Sam’s first party ever. So, I expect nice, meaningful, heartfelt blow jobs from both of you.”

“Kurt, you’re such an asshole,” says Santana.

“Where the hell did you go?”

“The dance was a little boring, don’t you think?”

“You’re so selfish. We looked everywhere for you. You could have told someone.”

“Cry me a river.”

“How is it that you got meaner since getting your boob job?”

“Just lucky I guess.”

“I think you did something wrong.”

“Or something very right.”

They laugh at their banter, just as Mercedes calls out from the other side of the room.

“Hey! Look who’s here!”

They turn, and Sam sees Finn walk in with Mercedes and Puck. Kurt approaches them as Sam goes to sit on the beat up couch next to the girls.

“I didn’t know Finn would be here,” he says.

“Yeah. He’s on the football team with Puck,” says Brittany. “They’re best friends.”

“I know, but I thought his girlfriend would have him on a pretty tight leash.”

“She does, but she probably didn’t give it up, told him to go and sat down to watch ‘Yentl’ for the millionth time,” answers Santana.

Puck walks over with a tray. “Sam, you look like you could use a brownie,” he says mischievously.

“Thank you. I was so hungry at the dance. I was going to go to the Lima Bean, but I didn’t really have any time. Thanks.”

Puck smiles and Santana gives Brittany a knowing glance. Sam bites into the brownie. The icing gushes between his teeth as he chews and chews and chews happily.

… 

Time passes, the music changes, and Sam’s now baked out of his mind. The whole party’s surrounding him now, pissing themselves with laughter as this shy kid talks and talks and talks.

“Have you guys felt this carpet?” he asks. “This carpet feels so darn good.”

Santana laughs. “Sam, what do you think about McKinley?”

“McKinley? Bullshit. The cafeteria is called the Nutrition Center? And people wear their letter jackets even when it’s 98 degrees out. And why do they give out letters for marching bands? That’s not a sport, and we all know it!”

“This kid’s fucking crazy!”

Sam looks at her with her new boobs. “And Santana, I think you’re really going to regret that boob job. They might pop and I don’t want that for you. I’m really sorry. That sounded helpful in my head.”

“Oh, my God!”

“He has a point,” says Brittany.

“Shut up!”

Mercedes walks into the room and takes a quick scan. “Puck! Did you get him stoned?”

“Come on, Mama. He likes it. Just look at him.”

She rolls her eyes. “How do you feel, Sam?”

“I just really want a milkshake.”

The entire room explodes with laughter.

He loves that people find him so funny.

…

Mercedes takes the ice cream from the freezer to the blender.

Sam watches her make the perfect vanilla milkshake. “Mercedes, you have such pretty brown eyes, the kind of pretty that deserves to make a big deal about itself. You know what I mean?”

She giggles. “Okay, Sam. Let me make the milkshake.”

“What a great word. Milkshake. It’s like when you say your name over and over again in the mirror, and after a while, it sounds crazy.”

“I’m guessing you’ve never been high before?”

“Me? No. My friend Michael, his dad was a big drinker. So, he hated all that stuff. Parties, too.”

“Well, where is Michael tonight?”

“Oh, he shot himself last May.”

She looks up. Shocked silent.

He’s just stoned. “I kind of wish he’d left a note. You know what I mean? I couldn’t stay at that school after he died.”

She nods sadly.

“Where’s the bathroom?”

“It’s up the stairs.”

He starts walking out of the kitchen and she watches him go.

Upstairs, Sam leaves the bathroom and stops when he sees himself in a large ornate mirror in the hallway. “Sam…Sam…that’s weird”. He wanders down the hallway, a little lost. He finds the door to the master bedroom and opens it. He sees Kurt and Finn laying on the bed moaning and making out. “Woah.”

“Sam?” questions Kurt.

“What’s he doing here?” asks Finn.

“Relax. Relax.” He gives him a peck. “Stay here, babe.” He closes the bedroom door and follows Sam.

“I didn’t see anything,” says Sam.

“I know you saw something, but it’s okay.” He takes a quick peek over the railing to make sure no one sees them. “Listen, Finn and I can’t have anyone know.” He looks into Sam’s bloodshot eyes. “Wait, are you baked?”

Sam giggles. “‘Like a cake.’ That’s what Puck said. And how you can’t have 3 on a match because they would find us. And everyone laughed, but I don’t know what’s funny.”

Kurt giggles. “Okay, Sam, listen. I need you to promise me that you’re not going to say anything to anyone about me and Finn. This has to be our little secret.”

“Our little secret. Agreed.”

“Thank you. We’ll talk later.”

“I look forward to that big talk.”

Kurt laughs and goes back to the room. He closes the door behind him.

…

The party has thinned out and Mercedes is watching Sam drink his milkshake obsessively with Brittany and Santana.

“Isn’t this the best milkshake, Britt? It’s even better than the first one.”

"Mmhmm," she agrees.

Kurt walks downstairs and Mercedes motions him over.

She leans into his ear and starts whispering. “I need to talk to you. Sam just told me that his friend from his old school shot himself. That’s why he transferred. I don’t think he has any friends.”

Kurt turns to look at Sam. He feels so bad for him. He raises his Solo cup to the remaining crowd. “Everyone. Raise your glasses to Sam.”

Sam looks up. A little paranoid. Everyone’s staring at him. “What did I do?”

“You didn’t do anything. We just want to toast our new friend. You see things. And you understand. You’re a wallflower.”

Sam dries his sweaty hands on his pants. He looks around the room at the nods and friendly faces.

“What is it? What’s wrong?”

“I didn’t think anyone noticed me.”

“Well, we didn’t think there were any cool people left to meet. So, everyone…to Sam.”

“To Sam,” every cheers.

They all drink.

Mercedes walks over to him with a knowing smile and crouches down to his level. “Welcome to the island of misfit toys.”

Sam smiles.

POBAW~POBAW~POBAW~POBAW

The Kurt’s truck speeds on Highway 376 toward the Fort Pitt Tunnel. He cranks the radio, blaring ‘Heroes’ by David Bowie.

“Oh, my God. What is this song!?” asks Mercedes.

“Right? I have no idea,” replies Kurt.

She turns to Sam. “Have you heard it before?”

“Never.”

She gets an idea. “Wait! Let’s go through the tunnel!”

“Mercedes, it’s freezing.”

“Kurt, it’s the perfect song!”

“No. Daddy Kurt says no.”

“Kurt, it’s ‘Cedes. It’s ‘Cedes talking to you, I’m begging you to drive me--”

Kurt laughs. “Alright! I concede!” He presses the button that opens the sunroof.

She climbs through the window and grips the car to steady herself as she stands.

“What’s she doing?” asks Sam.

“Don’t worry. She does it all the time.”

“Turn it up!” she yells.

“You got it, your highness.” He turns up the volume and drums on the steering wheel, just as the SUV flies into the tunnel.

Mercedes puts her arms in the air. She looks down at Sam.

He’s so in love with her free-spirit, so happy to have friends. Happy to be alive. He gets that look on his face.

Kurt notices and smiles. “What?”

“I feel infinite.”

The SUV flies out of the Fort Pitt Tunnel onto the bridge. Kurt and Sam laugh as Mercedes raises her arms. Free and young and alive on the greatest night of Sam’s life.


	4. Chapter Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Craig is played by Liam Hemsworth

* * *

Sam proudly puts a Michael Jackson poster on his wall next to photos of his new friends. He dances to his desk, listening to Air Supply’s “All Out of Love” on his boombox.

_Dear Friend, I’m sorry I haven’t written for a while, but I’ve been trying hard not to be a loser._

As the lyrics begin, he unabashedly lip-syncs…“I’m lying alone with my head on the phone, thinking of you ‘til it hurts.” He sits at his desk, drawing and lip-synching.

_For example, I am trying to participate by listening to Mercedes’s collection of R &B songs and thinking about love. Mercedes says they are smooth and brilliant. I completely agree._

POBAW~POBAW~POBAW~POBAW

At school, Sam turns from the lunch line and looks at the gang at their table. He sits with them as they debate the design of this month’s fanzine.

 _I’m also loving glee club. I love that I get to spend an hour every day with my best friends, besides lunch. We’re getting ready for Sectionals and I think we can actually win!_ _At lunch, we usually spend the time working on Kurt’s fanzine about music and The Rocky Horror Picture Show. It’s called Punk Rocky._

“Why do you make these every month when no one reads them?” asks Santana.

“ _You_ could read them. You’re in every issue,” replies Kurt.

“As I should be.”

_Sometimes I wonder why they hang out with Santana. She’s not really like them. She’s a Cheerio, extremely popular, and she shoplifts a lot. But then I realized it’s because she’s the fiercest friend you could ever have. She’ll be a bitch to you, but will go to the mat for you if need be._

…

In the library, the copier spits out copies of PUNK ROCKY! Halloween Issue! Brittany’s stapling while Santana works her like a sled dog.

_Her best friend Brittany is also a Cheerio and wants to be a dancer. She also has a 0.0 GPA. I don’t know how she expects to go to college by not going to class, but I try not to judge. Especially since I know how they were all there for Kurt last year. Kurt doesn’t really like to talk about his feelings, so it took me a while to get what happened._

…

Finn leads the football team through the banner onto the field as Sam, Kurt, and Mercedes cheer. Moments later, Finn pulls his helmet on and rushes onto the field.

_When they were sophomores, Kurt and Finn joined the glee club and got closer._

_Incidentally their parents started dating at the same time. They didn’t want to break them up because their parents have dead spouses and wanted them to be happy. So, they decided to keep dating in secret. When they finally did it, Finn said he loved Kurt so much. Then, he started to cry, saying it sucks that they could never be out together._

… 

Kurt and Finn are walking in the library. They reach the stacks, and just when it looks like they’ll speak, they simply pass each other without a word.

_I asked Kurt if he felt sad that he had to keep it a secret, and he said no because at least their parents are happy._

Finn sits down with Puck, Karofsky, and Azimio while Kurt joins Sam and Mercedes at their table. Sam looks over at Mercedes, studying hard for a test.

_I think that I understand because I really like Mercedes. I asked Quinn about her, and she said that she doesn’t really know anything. Mercedes is one of those girls that boys will pass on, but men would wife up immediately. That’s good for me because I’m the one that she should be with._

…

After school Sam’s making a mix on his computer.

_So, I’ve been making her a mix so she’ll know how I feel._

The music downloads on to the CD. It’s just about to finish when the program crashes. “Ah, shit!”

POBAW~POBAW~POBAW~POBAW

On Saturday night, Sam walks to the theatre where the marquee announces it’s time for the Rocky Horror Picture Show!

Kurt, dressed as Riff Raff, whips the crowd into a frenzy. “Gimme an R! Gimme an O! Gimme a C! Gimme a K! Gimme a Y! What’s that spell!?”

“R-O-C-K-Y! Rocky! Rocky! Rocky!” The crowd cheers and Sam applauds from the front row.

…

The movie’s in full swing. Sam sees Finn as Brad, Brittany as Columbia, Rachel as Janet, and a guy he doesn’t recognize as Rocky during the floor show. “Fanfare/Don’t Dream It” begins and arriving regally as Frank ‘n’ Furter in full drag is Mercedes.

**Mercedes:**

Whatever happened to Fae Wray?

That delicate, satin draped frame?

As it clung to her thigh, how I started to cry

‘Cause I wanted to be dressed just the same.

Mercedes is a star. She approaches Sam, sitting on his lap and putting her ass in his face. He’s nervous, but happy! Especially when he sees the rest of his friends onstage.

**Mercedes:**

Give yourself over to absolute pleasure.

Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh.

Erotic nightmares beyond any measure.

And sensual daydreams to treasure forever.

Can’t you just see it? Woah oh oh!

Sam stops smiling when the orgy begins between Brittany, Finn, Rachel, and Craig, an art student with a model’s body, who’s playing Rocky and of course…Mercedes. He watches her until he can’t take his lust (or guilt).

POBAW~POBAW~POBAW~POBAW

After the show, the cast goes back to Craig’s loft for an after party. In the living room, Sam sees a photo of Mercedes’s naked back on the wall. It’s very artsy and in black & white. Sam’s lust (and guilt) are now at an 11. He walks away before it gets any worse.

Artie, a kid from the glee club and director of Rocky Horror, looks at the photo. “It’s gorgeous, Craig. What did you use?”

Craig’s impressive to high school kids. He’s a little pretentious. But his art school life. His red wine. His loft. Wow. Right now, he’s holding court in the wine line. “Color film, but black and white paper for the printing. My professor gave me an “A,” but for the wrong reasons. Most of them are idiots. You’ll see what I mean when you get to college. What college do you want to go to?”

“NYU Film school, but I still have a year,” he replies. “And I hope they have accommodations for my chair.”

Craig nods. “I’m sure they will.”

…

Mercedes sees Sam alone on the loft steps. He looks a little down. She hands him a plastic cup and sits next to him.

“Hey. Are you okay?” she asks him.

“Yeah. Yeah. But I got my SAT results back. Oops. Being dyslexic is not a fun time.”

“The good thing is you can take them again.”

“Yeah, it’s just if I want to get into a good college, I’m gonna have to do much better.”

“I’ll help you study for the next one.”

“Will you?”

She smiles. “Yeah, of course.”

“Thanks, Mercedes.” He summons his courage and hands her the mix he made.

“What’s this?”

“Just a mix. No big deal. My parents have a pretty good system. It’s all about that night in the tunnel. I couldn’t find that song we were listening to, but I’m still searching for it, so--”

“It’s okay.” She smiles at the track listing. “These are great. You have really good taste, Sam.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I used to listen to the worst top 40.”

He laughs. “No.”

She laughs. “Yeah, I did. But then I heard this old song. ‘Ain’t No Way’ by Aretha Franklin. And I thought someday I would be at a party in college or something. And I’d look up and see this person across the room. And from that moment, I’d know everything was going to be okay. You know what I mean?”

“Yeah,” he replies devastatingly in love.

…

The CD spins in the boombox, playing a beautiful ballad. Sam watches Mercedes sway to his music like a serenade. Like she’s dancing with him. But she isn’t. She’s dancing with Craig.

Kurt, Brittany, and Santana watch Mercedes across the room.

“So, what do you think?” asks Brittany.

“I don’t know,” replies Kurt.

“I hope it works out. Craig would be a big step up from her last boyfriend.”

“No, shit,” agrees Santana. “Who could forget Shane?”

“I just hope she stops playing dumb with these guys. I keep telling her…don’t make yourself small.” He shrugs. “You can’t save anybody.” He looks over at Rachel and Finn talking on a couch and smiles small at Finn.

Finn returns a small smile back.

Craig dips a smiling Mercedes as the song ends. She goes into the kitchen as Craig approaches Sam and he turns off his CD. “Dude, your mix is morbidly sad. How about something a little more upbeat?” He grabs a record from the pile and slaps it down on his record player. “Mercedes tells me you want to be a comic book artist?”

“Yeah,” he replies.

“Don’t you write poetry, Craig?” asks Rachel.

“No. Poetry writes me. You know?” he answers like such a granola boy.

Sam sighs as Craig’s upbeat song begins to play. He dances over to Mercedes. Sam’s heart breaks as he watches Mercedes hug on Craig.

POBAW~POBAW~POBAW~POBAW

The next Monday at school, Sam sees Quinn hugging on Biff near the lockers. Sam closes his own locker and moves down the hall to the choir room. He’s never really talked to Mr. Shue one-on-one, but he needs some advice.

He knocks on his office door. “Mr. Shue…can I ask you something?”

He looks up from his papers. “Hey Sam. Of course.”

He sits down. “Why do nice people choose the wrong people to date?”

“Are we talking about anyone specific?”

Sam nods.

Mr. Shue looks straight at him. Not preaching, just coming from a history of personal experience. “We accept the love we think we deserve.”

“Can we make them know they deserve more?”

“We can try.”

Sam smiles.

“Especially with music.”

Sam smiles, knowing he’s on the right track.

POBAW~POBAW~POBAW~POBAW

On Saturday, Sam waits nervously at a booth in the Lima Bean. He sees Mercedes walk in. He fixes his hair, then pretends to read his SAT prep book.

“Hey, Sam.”

“Hey, Mercedes. I didn’t see you come in.”

“It’s no problem.” She gets settled. “Okay, wanna work on probabilities and statistics?”

He nods.

POBAW~POBAW~POBAW~POBAW

Weeks and weeks go by and it’s Christmas time.

Mary and Quinn are hanging the Christmas ornaments as Sam asks Dwight for some help.

“Hey, Dad. Can I have 30 dollars?”

“20 dollars? What do you want 10 dollars for?”

“Mercedes is doing Secret Santa. It’s her favorite thing in the world. Please.”

Dwight reaches into his pocket and hands him $50. He winks, in a great mood. “Have fun.”

“Thanks!”

POBAW~POBAW~POBAW~POBAW

Sam, Mercedes, and Kurt each open lockers. Wrapped gifts are placed with mischief smiles. They close the lockers. Everyone loves getting their presents except Sam - who gets socks.

POBAW~POBAW~POBAW~POBAW

Mr. Callahan looks at a girl’s clock. He takes a moment, and then… “Terrible stain.” He moves to Sam’s dad’s amazing clock. He hands Sam an A on a piece of paper. “That’s pretty good, Sam.” Mr. Callahan moves to Kurt’s immaculate clock and sighs. “How’re you so good at this?”

Kurt shrugs. “I don’t know how you’re surprised every year.”

Mr. Callahan begrudgingly writes a grade and slaps it down.

POBAW~POBAW~POBAW~POBAW

Later that day, Kurt holds up the grade. A! Mercedes and Sam cheer as Kurt screams at the top of his lungs. “Woo! An A! I’ve done it! Ladies and gentlemen, I am above average!”

“Above average!”

Kurt screams at the city in the distance. “Above average!”

POBAW~POBAW~POBAW~POBAW

At Mercedes’s house, Sam’s holding his SAT score up to the group. “Guys. 1210!” Everyone cheers as Sam hugs Mercedes. He picks her up and carries her piggy back past the Christmas Tree. Mercedes is wearing a Santa hat like a hot elf.

“No more applications! No more SATs! You’re amazing, Sam!”

They pass Brittany as she opens her final present.

“Multiple pairs of unitards. I’m going to have to guess…Santana!”

Santana smiles. “Guilty as charged.”

Puck budges her and Finn smiles softly.

Brittany pulls one last item out of the gift bag. “Wait, guys…a receipt! She actually paid!”

“Impossible!” yells Kurt.

“I’m so touched, Tana.”

Santana laughs.

In the kitchen, Kurt pours everyone brandy.

“Where’s Craig?” asks Sam.

“He went home to Connecticut. He’ll be back for New Year’s Eve.”

“I’m sorry we won’t be seeing him tonight.” He’s delighted. No Craig.

The kids settle in the living room in front of the fire.

“Alright, bestie. Who’s your Secret Santa?” asks Mercedes.

Kurt gets up in front of everyone. “I’ll tell you, ‘Cedes. This one’s tough. I have received an item from Tom Ford’s vanity in Vanity Fair, a magnetic poetry set, a book about Harvey Milk, and a mix with the song ‘Asleep’ on it…twice.”

Sam starts snickering. He can’t help himself.

“I mean, I have no idea. This collection of presents is so gay that I think I must have given them to myself. But despite that distinct possibility, I’m going to have to go with…drum roll…”

They drum roll.

“Sam.”

Sam holds up his hand and they all cheer.

“Alright, Sam…it’s your turn,” says Mercedes.

Sam and Kurt switch places.

“Okay. Uh, I have received socks, pants, a shirt, and a belt. I was ordered to wear them all tonight. So, I’m guessing my Secret Santa is Santana.”

“Huh. Now, why do you say that?” asks Kurt.

“I don’t know. She bosses people around sometimes.”

The gang cracks up and Santana’s pissed.

“What the hell is wrong with you?”

Sam gets a nervous look on his face. “Sorry.”

“Well, you’ll be surprised to know that your Secret Santa is actually…me,” says Kurt.

“You got me clothes? Why?”

“Because as much as I love your dowdy straight-boy style, I thought you should have a gorgeous suit. Now, your last present is on a towel rack in the bathroom. Delve into Mercedes’s facilities. Emerge a star.”

Sam gives Mercedes a sack of presents. “Can you hand these out while I’m gone?”

“Wait a second. There’s only Secret Santa presents. There are rules, Sam,” complains Santana.

“Dude, why are you trying to eat Christmas?” asks Finn.

“Hand them out, ‘Cedes,” says Kurt.

After Mercedes gives out the presents, the group rips them open.

Brittany sees a Twyla Tharp book with the inscription…“‘Brittany, I know you’ll become a famous dancer.”’ She turns to Santana who holds up a card.

“‘Dear Santana, I know you come off mean and bossy, but I know it’s just because you’re covering up your soft, mushy insides. You’re a wonderful friend.”’

Puck blows soap bubbles into the air. Stoned, he’s mesmerized. “He knows me. He really knows me.”

Finn smiles. “He got me new drumsticks.”

Mercedes looks at her present. An old 45 record of The Beatles classic “Something” with a card. She reads the card then holds it to her chest. She’s very moved. “Come on out, Sam!”

They all chime in.

Sam opens the door, and he walks out in front of them. They’re all stunned by his appearance. They all applaud him. He feels magical.

“Yeah! What a display of man I have ever seen!” yells Kurt.

Sam and Mercedes look at each other and smile.

…

A door opens and Mercedes and Sam walk into a dark room.

“Where are we going?” asks Sam.

“It’s a surprise.” She flips the switch, bathing the room in light. Mercedes’s room is so cool. A shrine to music. Whitney, Michael Jackson, Aretha posters everywhere, royal purple walls. Definitely her room.

“Is this your room? It’s so cool.”

“Thanks.” She points to a green box with a red ribbon on her desk.

“You got me a present?”

“Of course I did. Open it.”

He unlatches the box to reveal a beautiful artist case. Complete with colored pencils, paint, brushes, charcoals.

“I don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything.” She pulls out a paper with the words “Write about us.” beautifully painted.

He smiles. “I will.”

They look at each other and hear a lovely ballad playing downstairs.

She sighs. “I’m sorry I can’t be here for your birthday.”

“That’s okay. Just send me a lot of pictures from Florida.”

“Deal.” She sighs and sits on her bed. “I feel like life is finally on my side.”

“It is.”

“It is for you, too. When I met you, you were this scared boy. And look at you in that suit. You’re like a sexy English school boy. I saw Santana checking you out.”

“No,” he laughs innocently.

“Innocent. Worst kind of guys. Never see you coming. And parents love you. That’s like…extra danger.”

“Well, it hasn’t worked so far.”

“Come on. You’ve never had a girlfriend? Not even a 2nd grade valentine?”

He shakes his head.

“Have you ever kissed a girl?”

“No.” He sits next to her. “What about you?”

“Have I ever kissed a girl?” she smirks.

He laughs. “No! Your first kiss…”

She gets this strange look in her eyes, a little haunted. “My first kiss? I was 11. His name was Robert. He would come over to the house all the time.”

“Was he your first boyfriend?”

“He was my dad’s boss.”

He goes silent.

“You know Sam, I used to be with guys who treated me like shit. And get wasted all the time. But now…I feel like I have a chance. I could even become a famous singer. Win a Grammy or two.”

“It’s true. You can do it.” He clears his throat. “My aunt…she had that same thing done to her, too. And she turned her life around.”

“She must have been great.”

“She was my favorite person in the world…until now.”

She smiles, very moved. “Sam, I know that you know I’m with Craig. But I want to forget that for a minute. Okay?”

He nods.

“I just want to make sure that the first person who kisses you loves you. Okay?” She leans over and kisses him.

It starts softly, then she wraps her arms around his shoulders. And he wraps his arms around her waist, holding on for dear life. When the song crescendos downstairs, they part.

They look at each other.

“I love you, Sammy.”

“I love you, too.”

…

The porch lights are as golden as Sam feels right now. We see the girls wave to each other and hug Mercedes.

“Merry Christmas!” they all say.

“See you at New Year’s!” shouts Puck.

Kurt walks up to Sam in the doorway.

“Have a good time on vacation.”

“Thanks. And Sam…since you were born on Christmas Eve, I figure you don’t get a lot of birthday presents. So, I thought you should have my clock. From the heart.”

He smiles. “Thank you, Kurt.” He gives him a hug.

Kurt moves over to Finn and snuggles up to him. “I’ll see you in the morning, okay?”

“Okay,” he leans in and kisses him, giving him one last hug. “I love you.”

“I love you.”

Finn starts walking to his car.

Mercedes gives Sam one last hug.

Kurt and Mercedes watch their friends leave.

“I love you guys!” yells Mercedes. And they go inside.


	5. Chapter Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stevie is played by Wyatt Nash  
> Bold = Flashback

* * *

The front door opens and Dwight walks in carrying in luggage. “Hey! Look who’s here!” He moves out of the way and standing there is Stevie. Stevie’s handsome, charismatic, and an all-around winner.

“Come here, little sister,” he says to Quinn.

She smiles. “Hey, Stevie.”

He moves to Mary. “Ma, you look so thin!”

“10 pounds. Weight Watchers.” She gives him a big kiss.

When he lets go, he sees Sam and smiles. “Sammy…”

They look at each other in silence. Then, hug.

As the family moves into the dining room to celebrate, Stevie gives him a quiet… “Happy birthday.”

Sam’s sitting at the head of the table with his birthday cake in front of him.

“Make a wish, honey,” says Mary.

He makes his wish and blows out his 18 candles.

…

After cake and presents, Sam goes outside. The wind blows out a candle in one of the luminaria bags. The suburb is quiet. Not a creature is stirring. Except Sam. He fills a brown paper bag with sand and a candle. He lights the candle, making the bag glow like a beautiful lantern. He looks down his street, where families are out with their kids, doing the same luminaria ritual. He flashes back to his 10th birthday.

**Aunt Helen and the kids finish their luminaria bags.**

**She lights up the candles and they glow. “Can you see it, Sammy? The luminaria is a landing strip for Santa Claus.”**

**All of the bags were glowing. Beautiful.**

**Aunt Helen rattles her keys. “Keep an eye out for him with your brother and sister. I’ll be right back.” She bends down and whispers into his ear. “I’m going to get your birthday present.” She musses his hair and gets in the car.**

He hovers over the glowing luminaria. Something’s bothering him, but he shakes it off.

…

Sam wanders through the quiet house. He turns the corner where he finds Stevie sitting at the table. He’s lit by a couple of candles and the blinking lights of the Christmas Tree. He’s surrounded by leftovers.

Sam sits next to him. “Hey.”

Stevie chews and swallows. He’s famished. “God, I’ve missed mom’s cooking. You have no idea how good you have it. I’m actually beginning to hate pizza.”

Sam smiles and grabs a Hershey Kiss cookie. “How are you liking school?”

“Not bad. I’m no Brainiac like Quinn. But I’m doing okay.”

“Okay? You’re playing in a Bowl Game.”

Stevie laughs and Sam smiles.

A moment passes.

Stevie changes his tone. He’s more cautious. “How are you feeling, Sam?”

“Good.”

“You know what I mean. Is it bad tonight?”

“No.”

“No?”

“I’m not picturing things anymore. And when I do, I can just shut it off. I have friends now.”

“And maybe if it does get bad again, you can just talk to them, yeah?”

“Yeah. Especially Mercedes. I’m going to ask her out at New Years. I think the time is right now.”

Stevie smiles at him.

POBAW~POBAW~POBAW~POBAW

At Midnight Mass, the family moves down the line to receive Holy Communion. First Dwight, then Mary, then Quinn take the sacrament. Sam’s next. The church organ’s playing.

The Priest makes the motion of the cross with the communion wafer. He places it in Sam’s hand. Sam brings the sacrament to his mouth with his fingers…

POBAW~POBAW~POBAW~POBAW

At Puck’s house during New Year’s Eve, Sam takes a tab of acid that mirrors the communion wafer. The church organ turns to rock music as he closes his mouth. He looks down the hall of the smoky room where Craig has his arm around Mercedes.

Sam turns to Santana, who’s also dosed. “How long does this take to work?”

“About 45 minutes.”

His sound becomes muted and thick and there’s slight echoes. He walks outside and starts shoveling the snow. He likes the crunch underneath his feet. Fascinated by his breath making fog.

Mercedes comes outside with a worried look on her face. “Shoveling snow, huh?”

“I have to get this driveway clean. Then, I have to congratulate you for being happy because you deserve it.”

“You said that an hour ago.”

“Was that tonight? God. I was looking at this tree, but it was a dragon, and then…”

“Okay, Sam.” She moves closer to him. “Don’t freak out. Just give me the shovel.” She places the shovel on the ground. “Look up.” She points and he looks up and sees the stars. “Isn’t it beautiful?”

“Mercedes, you ever think that if people knew how crazy you really were, no one would ever talk to you?”

“All the time.” She pulls glasses from her coat pocket. “So, you want to put on these glasses? They’ll protect you.” She puts her arm around his shoulder, protecting him.

Sam looks through the glasses and the sky bends like a globe. When he breathes, the sky ripples.

A little while later, he wanders through the party, tripping out of his mind. He sits down on the sofa. The world unbends as he takes off the glasses. Kids walk around the party, leaving ghosts of themselves behind. He looks upstairs to see Mercedes and Craig kissing and he leads her to the bedroom. Sam looks back at the party as kids gather for the New Year’s countdown and Kurt’s leading the charge.

“10… 9… 8…”

**In a quick flash, he sees his 10 year old self with Aunt Helen on Christmas Eve.**

**She bends to whisper in his ear. “It’ll be our little secret, all right?”**

He takes a deep breath and tries to remember that he’s at a New Year’s party.

“7… 6… 5… 4… 3… 2…1! Happy New Year!” yells Kurt. 

Puck walks over and gives Kurt a big kiss on the cheek and Finn scowls at him from across the room with Rachel in his arms.

The crowd cheers, leaving ghosts of themselves. Sam gets up from the sofa and walks out of Puck’s house. He walks down the road under a streetlight. The road’s icy and he lays down and starts moving his arms in the snow. The memories begin to haunt him.

**10 year old Sam waves goodbye to Aunt Helen as she drives away through the landing strip for Santa Claus.**

He blinks as the memories come faster.

**Aunt Helen drives past a tall snow drift. She looks down at the 45 of The Beatles in the seat next to her. She smiles at Sam’s birthday present. Then, she looks up as the headlights of the semi-truck smash the windows with a deadly crash.**

**…**

**Mary opens the door, revealing a policeman. He turns to Sam in his party hat. Sam’s confused.**

He’s lying in the snow, shivering, he’s making a snow angel.

POBAW~POBAW~POBAW~POBAW

The Emergency room’s bustling on New Year’s Day. Sam looks up as the police, doctors, and his parents tower over him. He’s terrified and does what any kid would do. He lies his ass off.

“Did your older friends pressure you?” asks the police officer.

“No one pressured me into anything. I would never do drugs, officer. Never.”

“Then, how did you happen to be passed out on the ground at 6:00AM?”

“Well, um, I was really tired, and uh, I was feeling feverish. So, I went outside for a walk, just to get some cold air. And I started seeing things. So, I passed out.” He waits to see if this worked.

“You’re seeing things again, Sam?” asks Mary worriedly.

“Not, uh… Not really.”

They all look at him worriedly.


	6. Chapter Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song used: I Can Make You a Man- Rocky Horror Picture Show

* * *

Rocky Horror patrons walk into the theater. Backstage; Mercedes, Kurt, Santana, Brittany, Finn, Rachel, and Puck are getting ready with Artie worriedly looking at his phone.

“I called him 30 times,” says Artie.

“Well, what are we supposed to do?” asks Santana. “We’re going on in 10 minutes!”

Artie’s phone rings and he picks up.

Sam turns to Puck, sitting next to him. He's freaking out. “But they said in health class—”

Puck shakes his head. “They say that about LSD to scare you.”

“Are you sure?”

“Sam, you’re fine, dude.”

Artie hangs up the phone, frustrated. “Guys, we have an emergency. Craig flaked out on us again. I need a Rocky.”

The group’s deflated. They all start thinking.

After a moment, Santana looks at Sam. “Sam…take off your clothes.”

…

You know those dreams you have when you are standing in front of 200 people in your underwear? Well, this is no dream. Sam’s heartbeat pounds in his ears as he dances out of the Rocky gauze and finds himself standing in tight gold underwear, looking out at 200 people, cheering him on. His friends can’t stop smiling. Especially Santana, who watches Sam’s ass.

“I Can Make You a Man” is in full swing as Mercedes slinks over to Sam dressed in her Frank costume.

**Mercedes:**

If he only knew of my plan

In just seven days

I can make you a man

She grabs Sam’s hands and rubs them all over her chest.

**Mercedes:**

He’ll do press-ups and chin-ups

Do the snatch, clean, and jerk

He thinks dynamic tension

Must be hard work

Such strenuous living

I just don’t understand

When in just seven days

Oh, baby

I can make you a man

By the end of the night’s performance, Sam goes from train wreck to triumph. He joins Mercedes in the kick line, and it feels like it’s just the two of them. The cast bows and Mercedes and Kurt push Sam in front for his own curtain call.

Everyone cheers. It’s a night he’ll never forget.

…

After the show, Sam’s helping Santana carry the costumes outside to her car. The wind whips as they’re bracing the February cold.

“Maybe I could join the cast as an alternate or something?” he asks.

“We’re filled up now, but they’ll need people after we leave for college. I could put in a good word for you.”

“That’d be great. Thanks.” He puts the box in her trunk and snaps it close.

Santana puts on her flirty face. “Sam, have you heard of the Sadie Hawkins dance?”

“The one where the girl asks the guy.”

“Yeah. Well, obviously, it’s completely stupid and sexist. It’s like, ‘Hey, thanks for the crumb.’ And normally, I’d just blow it off because school dances suck torture. But, you know, it’s my last year, and…would you maybe want to go with me?”

“You want to go with me?”

“I’m sick of stupid guys, like Puck.”

“You and Puck?”

“And you looked really cute in your costume. So, what do you say?”

Sam thinks and thinks and…

POBAW~POBAW~POBAW~POBAW

Ding dong! Mary opens the door for Santana as Sam straightens out his church suit, so nervous.

“You must be Santana. It’s so good to meet you.”

“You, too, Mrs. Evans,” she answers nervously. She walks into the house.

“Sam tells me you’re the bossy one,” says Dwight.

“Dwight, stop embarrassing your son.”

Sam and Santana stand next to Quinn and Biff in front of the fireplace for pictures.

“Okay, a little closer together. That looks nice. Bossy Pants, I need you to smile a little bit more. There you go. Nice.”

“Cheese!” says Mary.

……

Sam and Santana slow dance to an 80’s love song. He has sweaty palms, awkward. He looks around the gym. He sees Brittany dancing with Artie. Sam then watches Kurt dance with Mercedes. He follows Kurt’s gaze across the floor to Finn, who’s dancing with Rachel. He sees the boys look at each other. For one moment, it’s like they’re dancing together.

…

Santana and Sam are at the punch bowl with the gang. He sees Mercedes, standing by the wall, looking sad. He walks over to her. “Are you having a good time?”

“Not really. How about you?”

“I don’t know. This is my first date, so I don’t know what to compare it to.”

She smiles. “Don’t worry. You’re doing fine.”

He joins her on the wall.

Santana gives them a quick, jealous look.

“I’m sorry Craig didn’t come.”

“Yeah. He said he didn’t want to go to some stupid high school dance. Can’t say I blame him.”

“I don’t know. If you like it, he should come.”

She smiles sadly. “Thanks, Sam.” She starts walking away. “Have a beautiful first date. You deserve it.”

“I'll try not to make you too jealous,” he says to cheer her up.

She forces a smile and leaves.

POBAW~POBAW~POBAW~POBAW

After the dance, at her place, Santana walks over to Sam on the antique sofa. She uncorks a bottle of wine and she hands him the bottle. “Mmm. Now, let it breathe.” She walks over to the vintage turntable. She turns on the gas fireplace with a remote control.

“This is sure a nice house.”

“Thanks.” She drops the needle on a vinyl LP. A Doo Wop make-out classic begins to play. She dances over to Sam. “Mmm. Don’t you just love old music?”

He nods.

“Good. Because I made you a mix of it. I’d love to expose you to great things. Like Amy Winehouse and cigars." She pours the wine.

He looks at the bottle. “This merlot is really fancy.”

“Yeah. My dad collects wine, but he doesn’t drink. That’s weird, isn’t it?”

“I guess. Where are your parents?”

“Our country club’s hosting a cotillion or something racist. They’ll be gone all night.” She drops her necklace with a thud.

He looks around with his heart pounding in his ears. “That’s sure a nice fire.”

“Yeah. After I’m famous, I want to move to a house like this in Cape Cod. That sounds nice, doesn’t it?”

“Yeah.”

She reaches out and touches his chest. “Your heart’s beating really fast.”

“Is it?”

“Here, feel.” She puts her hand on his and moves it to his chest. “Sam?”

“Uh-huh?”

“Do you like me?”

“Uh-huh.”

“You know what I mean.”

“I think so.”

“Don’t be nervous.” She slowly moves his hand to her dress strap. It falls off her shoulder. She leans in for a red wine kiss. She guides his hand over her bra. He feels her breast. Wow.

For a quick moment, he imagines he’s kissing Mercedes, but Santana moves his hand away. Sam blinks, taking a moment to realize Mercedes isn’t the one in the room. The song’s over. The needle turns at the end of the record.

“Sam…” she whispers. She gives him one last kiss. Content, she lays down on his lap. Peaceful. “I didn’t know how it was going to go tonight, but it was really nice, huh?”

“Yeah.”

“I can’t believe it. You of all people. I just can’t believe you’re my boyfriend.”

_Shit._

They hear the garage door open.

“Oh, shit! My parents!”

......

Santana’s car pulls in front of Sam’s house and he gets out, wanting to say he’s not her boyfriend, but not knowing how.

She smiles, smitten. “See you Monday.” With that, she backs out of the driveway.

His stomach’s already filling with acid. _Dear Friend, I’m sorry I haven’t written for a while, but things are a total disaster._


	7. Chapter Seven

* * *

Mercedes, Kurt, Brittany, and Puck are seated around the table while Santana has her arms around Sam, smothering him.

“We’re literally making out, and I’m in my bra. Hello! And the front door opens. It’s my parents! I’m scrambling to get my dress on. It was crazy. Right, babe?”

Sam nods, tortured. _I probably should have been honest about how I didn’t want to go out with Santana after Sadie’s, but I really didn’t want to hurt her feelings._

…

It’s Ash Wednesday as Sam gets out of his truck to immediately find Santana waiting for him. She sees the cross of ashes on his forehead. She thinks his ashes are a smudge. She cleans it. _You see, Santana is a really nice person underneath the part of her that hates everyone. And since I heard that having a girlfriend makes you happy, I tried hard to love her like I love Mercedes._

“Can you believe it’s almost our two-week anniversary?”

“I know,” he replies, trying to be excited.

…

Craig and Mercedes buy the tickets to see, The Hunger Games. _So, I took her on double dates._

“Our first double date,” she says excitedly.

“You want butter on your popcorn?”

“I don’t eat carbs.”

He tries not to feel her sweaty hand. _And I tried not to mind that she loves to hold hands even when her hands are sweaty._

…

After the movie, Santana and Sam are in her living room making out while he’s trying not to be awkward with touching her boobs under her top. _And I had to admit something really upsetting. But I am tired of touching her boobs. I thought maybe if she would just let me pick the make-out music once in a while, we might have a chance._ He looks at the “Melissa Etheridge Mix” on the stereo and sighs.

…

The next day at lunch, the gang’s there. Some of his drawings rest on his lunch tray. _And maybe if she didn’t put down all my drawings._

“Why are these anime? These drawings are for _freaky_ white guys.”

…

After school, the phone’s ringing with her on the other side. He grabs the cordless. He looks at Kurt’s clock. 5:15PM. His voice can no longer hide his quiet rage. _Or if she would stop calling me the minute, I get home from glee club rehearsal when I have absolutely nothing to talk about other than the car ride home…_

“And you know Rachel just takes everything for herself and doesn’t…”

He calmly puts down the phone and leaves the room and goes downstairs into the kitchen. He’s so miserable.

His mom’s sympathetic. “She’s on the phone right now? Honey, you have to break up with her.”

“I can do that?”

Dwight leans back from the sofa and his newspaper. “For Christ’s sake, I need to use the phone!”

He goes back into his room and Santana’s still talking on the cordless. “And you know, one of these days, if she’s not careful, I’m gonna—”

 _I know I should have been honest, but I was getting so mad, it was starting to scare me._ He looks back at the clock. 5:25PM _._ “Um…Santana. Can I talk to you—”

“Sam don’t interrupt. You know I hate that.”

He goes to his quiet place. _I just wish I could have found another way to break up. In hindsight, I probably could not have picked a worse way to be honest with Santana._

POBAW~POBAW~POBAW~POBAW

Truth or dare. The gang’s seated in a circle, drinking from plastic cups. Sam’s sandwiched between Santana and Mercedes.

“Truth or dare?” asks Puck.

“Who are you talking to?” asks Kurt.

“I dare you to kiss me.”

Kurt quirks his eyebrow. “Pretty bold for a straight guy.”

“I’m comfortable with my sexuality.”

As Kurt approaches Puck… 

“Santana? Mercedes told me that you got a cheerleading scholarship to the University of Louisville. Congratulations,” says Craig.

“Thank you. Sam still hasn’t gotten me flowers.” She turns to him. “But I forgive you.” She kisses him and he bites his cheeks.

Mercedes looks a little depressed.

“Don’t worry about UCLA, babe,” says Craig. “You’re just waitlisted.”

Kurt clears his throat. “You’re about to miss some severely some hot ‘gay on bad boy’ action.” He’s getting ready to plant the biggest kiss on Puck when he jumps Kurt.

Everyone groans and laughter ensues with Finn with a jealous look on his face.

“You’re a monster,” Kurt says, impressed. He looks for the next person. “Okay. My turn. Um…let’s think…Sam. Truth or dare?”

“Truth.”

“How’s your first relationship going?”

“It’s so bad that I keep fantasizing that one of us is dying of cancer, so I don’t have to break up with her.”

“Sam? Truth or dare?”

He blinks. It was all fantasy. He laughs nervously. “Dare.”

“I dare you to kiss the prettiest girl in the room on the lips. Notice I charitably said girl and not person because let’s face it…I’d smoke all you bitches.”

Brittany jokingly hits him.

Sam thinks. He looks at Santana, then turns to Mercedes. Before Mercedes can even react, he plants a kiss right on her lips. When he opens his eyes, he looks around, and realizes the magnitude of his mistake. Everyone stares. After a horrible silence… 

“Dude, that’s fucked up,” says Puck.

Without a word, Santana just stands, dignified, and goes into the kitchen.

“Santana, I’m sorry. I’m—”

Brittany follows her and Mercedes is close behind.

“Mercedes?! Mercedes! I’m sorry. I didn’t mean anything by it. I’m sorry.”

She turns and looks at him. She doesn’t even recognize him. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

Sam’s devastated.

POBAW~POBAW~POBAW~POBAW

Kurt and Sam walk outside to the driveway. Sam feels awful and panicky.

“Trust me. You don’t want to go back there,” says Kurt.

“But I--I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to do anything,” says Sam, trying to fix it.

“I know you didn’t but look… I hate to be the one to break this, but there’s history with Santana and Mercedes. Other guys. Things that have nothing to do with you. But it’s best if you stay away for a while.”

Sam’s heartbroken. “Oh. Okay. How long do you think?” Silence. He looks over at Kurt, who has a grave expression. It’s going to be a long time.


	8. Chapter Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bold=Flashback

* * *

Sam’s sitting at his desk. He looks like he’s barely slept. He finishes writing: “Dear friend, I have not seen my friends for 2 weeks now. I am starting to get bad again.” He stares at the paper and remembers.

**Sam pops his head around the corner from the hallway. He’s looking at something.**

His mom knocking on the door pulls him out. She opens the door. “We’re going to be late for Easter Mass.”

“I’ll…I’ll be there in a minute.” He forces a smile, then looks back at his paper. He tries to shake off the memory.

**Sam’s looking at Aunt Helen as she sits at the kitchen table, smoking her cigarette and sobs.**

POBAW~POBAW~POBAW~POBAW

At Easter Mass, Sam’s lost. As his family sits in the pews, Sam watches the Priest recite the Lord’s prayer.

“Our Father who art in Heaven. Hallowed be Thy name. Thy kingdom come—”

**Sam watches the Priest recite the Lord’s prayer. He looks at Aunt Helen’s picture on the coffin.**

**“Thy will be done on earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day our daily bread.”**

Sam’s haunted by the memory.

“And forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us—” The Priest’s voice drifts away, and all Sam can see is…

**At the kitchen table, Sam takes Aunt Helen’s hand to make her stop crying.**

Sam blinks as the Priest’s voices comes back.

“And lead us not into temptation. But deliver us from—”

POBAW~POBAW~POBAW~POBAW

Later that night, Sam’s on the phone. His voice wavering a bit, he’s desperate. “Santana…I…uh…I’ve been listening to the Alanis Morrissette CD every night and—”

“It’s too late, Trouty.”

“I know. I just feel really bad about what I did. I just get so messed up inside like I’m not there or something.”

“Tell it to someone who cares.”

“I know. I’m sorry. I just. We’ve all become such good friends—”

“Good friends? You mean the people I’ve known since kindergarten that you’ve known for six months? Those good friends?”

“Oh. Yeah. I mean I don’t want to do anything to ruin our—”

“It’s ruined. Okay? So, stop calling everyone. Stop embarrassing yourself.”

“Okay. I will. Goodbye, San—” She hangs up on him.

POBAW~POBAW~POBAW~POBAW

The next night, Sam’s hanging out with Puck, since he’s the only one who’ll talk to him. He watches Puck groom some pot. “Something’s wrong with me—”

“Don’t worry about it. Hey, you hear from Kurt?”

“No. He told me to stay away.”

“Oh…you don’t know?”

Sam gets concerned. “Why? Why? What happened?”

“Rachel caught them together.”

POBAW~POBAW~POBAW~POBAW

The next morning at school, as kids open lockers and move to morning period, Sam watches Finn. He has a black eye and cuts on his face. He looks like he was beaten up badly.

“I heard that Rachel chick caught them mid-fuck and basically clawed his eyes out,” whispers a girl.

“I heard that, too. And she spread it around to the whole school and all of the football team found them and beat them up,” whispers another girl.

“Wait. Aren’t they step-brothers?”

“It’s some fucked up shit is what it is.”

Sam sees Kurt and Finn down the hall together at Kurt’s locker. Kurt, trying to not to draw attention, closes his locker and walks away from Finn.

“Are you okay?” asks Sam when Kurt gets closer.

“Not now, Sam. I’m sorry.” He hastily walks away.

POBAW~POBAW~POBAW~POBAW

In glee club, the mood is hesitant, like everyone’s walking on eggshells.

“Okay, guys, I know we’ve had our setbacks over these past few weeks, but it’s time to knuckle down and get busy on our Nationals setlist.”

No one says anything for little while.

Until Santana speaks up. “What’s the point? I mean you’re just gonna give Rachel a solo and give the rest of us scraps.”

“Actually, Santana, Rachel’s not getting solo.”

“What?!” screams Rachel.

“Rachel, you have been the cause our family imploding. And you have been rewarded with enough solos. It’s time to let someone else take the lead.”

“I’m getting punished because my boyfriend’s been cheating on me and I told the truth?”

“No. You’re being punished because you hurt your fellow team members.”

“But nobody cares that he hurt me, too?”

Everyone’s silent.

“You know, Rachel, I think we would be more forgiving it you weren’t so selfish,” says Kurt.

“Oh. You’re one to talk!”

“Rachel, enough! Now, here’s our setlist; we’re gonna start with “Edge of Glory” and it’s going to be a girls’ number, we’ll move into “Ain’t No Way” with Mercedes soloing and finally, we’ll end with “Paradise by the Dashboard Light” with everyone having a solo moment, but Finn and Mercedes will our main leads.

Everyone except for Rachel looks hopeful.

Santana shrugs. “I guess I can live with that.”

Mr. Shue claps his hands together. “Alright. Let’s get to work.”

POBAW~POBAW~POBAW~POBAW

At lunch, Sam’s sitting at his table alone. He watches Kurt leave the lunch line, passing a chorus of “Hey Nothing.” He doesn’t reply. He’s too sad to fight the mob today. He continues walking to his table when Azimio sticks out his leg which causes Kurt to fall on his tray. The football team laughs at him.

“Oops. Sorry, Nothing,” says Azimio.

Kurt smiles to himself, dusts off, and turns to him. “You think you’re a big man, don’t you?”

“Excuse me, faggot?”

“I said, you think you’re a big man for tripping the gay kid. That doesn’t make you a man, it just makes you an asshole.”

Finn walks into the cafeteria and sees Kurt talking to Azimio.

Azimio gets up. “You might wanna watch how you’re talking to me.”

“What else are you gonna do?” asks Kurt. “You already beat me up.”

Karofsky gets up. “We can do a lot worse.”

Finn walks over. “You know, it’s funny, Karofsky, how you’re making fun of everybody gay all the time, but you never seem to have a girlfriend.”

Karofsky charges at him and a fight ensues.

“Say that shit again! Say that shit again!” yells Karofsky.

Kurt tries to peel Finn off Karofsky.

Mercedes and Santana jump up from their corner table.

“It’s Kurt and Finn!” yells Santana.

As the cafeteria gets louder, Azimio holds Kurt up and hits him in the face.

“No! No!” Mercedes rushes towards them and Azimio pushes her down. 

Finn gets hit a couple of times in the face.

The kids cheer the fight.

It’s getting louder and louder with more and more noise. And then…silence.

…

Sam blinks his eyes and calmly looks around. For a moment, he doesn’t understand where he is. He looks up and all the kids are staring at him. Mercedes. Brittany. Finn. Santana. Puck. Artie. Quinn. Rachel. They’re all quiet, afraid of him. Sam looks at his hand, clenched in a fist, covered in bruises. He’s confused until he sees Karofsky holding his broken, bloody nose. He’s looking at Sam…terrified. Sam turns his head and sees Azimio on the ground. He’s standing over them, disconnected. He reaches out and helps Kurt to his feet. Then, he calmly turns and stares right through Karofsky. “If you touch my friends again, I’ll blind you.” Everyone’s stunned…except him.

……

Sam’s sitting in the waiting room of Figgins’ office. He looks through the glass where Figgins talks to Finn. After a beat, he pats Finn’s shoulder and opens the door, leaving Sam and Finn alone in the waiting room. Just as Finn’s about to leave…

“Hey, Sam?”

He looks up. “Yeah?”

“Thanks for stopping them.”

“Sure, Finn.” A moment passes. “We’ll hang out soon?”

Finn smiles. “Of course, dude.”

…

After the meeting, Sam leaves school with kids staring at him. He feels very lost until he sees Mercedes softly smiling at him. It brings him back instantly.

“How’re you doing, Sam?” she asks gently.

“I don’t know. I keep trying, but…I can’t really remember what I did.”

Mercedes sees he’s afraid of himself. She nods, sympathetic. “Do you want me to tell you?”

“Yeah,” he asks, scared.

“You saved your friend. That’s what you did.”

“So, you’re not scared of me?”

“No.”

“And we can all be friends again?”

“Of course.” The minute she hugs him, the numbness goes away. She kisses forehead and puts her arm around his shoulders. They begin walking away. “Come on. Let’s go be psychos together.”


	9. Chapter Nine

* * *

A few days later, Sam’s standing in Mercedes’s kitchen watching Santana, Brittany, and Craig wait for Mercedes. Santana walks over to Sam because she wants him to know… 

“I’m dating Brittany now. She does more for me in one look than you did in our entire relationship. You were very sweet, but to be honest, I used you. I know this is hard for you, because I’m so hot.”

“I’m just glad you’re happy,” he replies.

“Okay." She pats him patronizingly on the shoulder and walks back over to Brittany.

After a moment, Kurt comes downstairs having helped Mercedes with an outfit. He looks sad with his bruises. “Hey Craig, Mercedes will be down soon.”

Santana rolls her eyes. “We’re going to miss the movie.”

“Yeah, I’ll go put some pep in her step.” As he moves upstairs, Kurt walks over to Sam.

“Hey…you wanna get out of here?”

“Sure, Kurt.”

POBAW~POBAW~POBAW~POBAW

Kurt drives his SUV up the hill to the overlook. “I’ll tell you something, Sam. I feel good. You know what I mean? Maybe tomorrow I’ll take you to this karaoke place downtown. And Scandals. They don’t card. And the Schenley Park scene. You gotta see the ‘fruit loop’ at least one time.”

When they get to the park, Kurt parks his SUV and they get and start walking the lighted path, howling at the moon as Kurt holds a thermos, filled with Chablis.

“Oh, my God! My life’s officially an after school special. Son of a bitch!”

Sam laughs. “It kind of is. It so is.”

They keep laughing. They arrive at the lookout and keep drinking.

“So, you ever hear the one about Missy Gunderson?”

Sam shrugs. “I don’t know.”

“Really? I thought your brother would have told you. It’s a classic.”

“Maybe.”

“So, Missy comes here with this guy Parker. And this was going to be the night they were going to lose their virginity. So, she did it really proper. She packed a picnic. Stole a bottle of wine. Everything was perfect, and they’re just about to ‘do it’ when they realize they forgot the condoms. So, what do you think happened?”

“I don’t know.”

“They did it with one of the sandwich bags.”

They start laughing and screaming.

“Eww! That’s disgusting!”

“Yes! It is!” He takes a drink. “Let’s keep the train rolling. Suburban legends. Sam!” He points to Sam.

“Uh. Well…there was this girl named Second Base Stace. She had boobs in the 4th grade—”

“Mosquito bites. Promising. Go.”

“And she let some of the boys feel them.”

Kurt turns to him. “That’s your suburban legend? Did you at least cop a feel?”

“No.”

“Of course not. You went home, listened to ‘Asleep,’ drew a picture about her ‘self-esteem’—” 

“Fine! Okay. Your turn.”

Kurt walks over and sits down next to him. “Yeah, I’ve got one. Well, there was this one guy. Has the loudest, most annoying girlfriend ever. But he meets someone else who he then tells he loves. The someone else loves him, too, but their parents are dating and eventually get married. But they love each other so much that they couldn’t let go of each other. So, the guy continues dating someone he doesn’t like. And on a weekend, she was supposed to be gone, mind you it was their anniversary weekend, she loudly climbs upstairs and surprises him. But the surprise is on her when she sees her boyfriend going at it with the someone else. Then she runs to their parents downstairs and tells them. The guy and the someone else walk downstairs to see their parents’ horrified look on their faces. Not knowing how they can still be a family after this.” He stops. Gripped by sadness he can’t shake. “Why can’t anyone just be blissfully happy?”

“I don’t know.”

“Whatever. I broke it off with him. I could meet the love of my life any second now. Things will be different now, and that’s good. I just need to meet my someone.”

“Yeah.”

Kurt looks at him. Sam’s never seen him so vulnerable. After a moment, Kurt leans over and kisses Sam. Unsure of what to do, he lets it happen. His eyes open the whole time.

A moment later, then Kurt looks at Sam and collapses into his chest. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright.” He holds his friend as he begins to cry.

_Dear Friend, I’ve been spending a lot of time with Kurt. He begins every night really excited. He always says he feels free, and tonight is his destiny. But after a while, he runs out of things to keep himself numb. The words leave him, and I can see how sad he really is._

POBAW~POBAW~POBAW~POBAW

_But he pulls himself together for us to go to Nationals. We arrive in Chicago and see our rivals Vocal Adrenaline. And I see Rachel talking to someone giving her definite heart eyes. After an hour, it’s time to take to the stage._

**Santana (ND Girls):**  
There ain’t no reason you and me should be alone (Ah, ah, ah, ah)  
Tonight, yeah, baby, tonight, yeah, baby (Ah, ah, ah, ah)  
I got a reason that you’re who should take me home (Ah, ah, ah, ah)  
Tonight (Ah, ah, ah, ah)  
  
 **Mercedes (ND Girls):**  
I need a man that thinks it’s right but it’s so wrong (Ah, ah, ah, ah)  
Tonight, yeah, baby, tonight, yeah, baby (Ah, ah, ah, ah)  
Right on the limits where we know we both belong (Ah, ah, ah, ah)  
Tonight (Ah, ah, ah, ah)  
  
 **Quinn (with ND Girls):**  
It’s hard to (feel the rush)  
  
 **Tina (with ND Girls):**  
To brush the (dangerous)  
  
 **Quinn (ND Girls):**  
I’m gonna run right to (Run right to)  
  
 **Tina (ND Girls):**  
To the edge with you (Edge with you)  
  
 **Quinn and Tina (ND Girls):**  
Where we can both fall far in love (Far in love)

…

 **Mercedes (ND):**  
Who pay too much for what he got?  
And if you need me (Oh-oh-oh) to love you, (Say) say, (Say) say you do (You do)  
Oh, then (Baby) baby, baby, baby don't you know that  
I (Don’t you)  
Need (Know that)  
You (I need you)  
  
Oh, Oh, it ain’t no way (Ain’t no way)  
I’ll tell you that it ain’t no way,  
It ain’t no way  
It ain’t no way, baby, (Ain’t no way)  
No  
It just ain’t no way (Ain’t no way)  
It sure ain’t no way (Ain’t no way)  
It ain’t no way for me to love you,  
If you won’t let me

…

 **Finn with New Directions:**  
So now I’m praying for the end of time  
To hurry up and arrive  
‘Cause if I gotta spend another minute with you  
I don’t think that I can really survive  
  
I’ll never break my promise or forget my vow  
( **Finn:** But God only knows what I can do right now)  
I’m praying for the end of time  
It’s all that I can do ( **Mercedes:** All that I can do)  
Prayin’ for the end of time  
So I can end my time with you! ( **Mercedes:** You, yeah)  
  
 **Finn with New Directions (Mercedes):**  
It was long ago and it was far away (It never felt so good, It never felt so right)  
And it was so much better than it is today. ( **Santana:** Better than it is today) (And we were glowing like the metal on the edge of a knife)  
It was long ago and it was far away (It never felt so good, It never felt so right)  
And it was so much better than it is today. ( **Santana:** Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah) (And we were glowing like the metal on the edge of a knife)  
It was long ago and it was far away (It never felt so good, It never felt so right)  
And it was so much better than it is today. ( **Santana:** Long ago, oh) (And we were glowing like the metal)  
  
 **Finn and Mercedes with New Directions:**  
Felt so right  
Felt so good  
Paradise ( **Santana:** Ooh, yeah)

_We left everything on that stage. After all the turmoil over the past few weeks, we gave the performance of our lives. And…we were crowned the winners._

POBAW~POBAW~POBAW~POBAW

A week later, Mercedes is holding a huge envelope. She holds it like it has pins and needles all over it.

_Then, Mercedes got her letter from UCLA._

She opens the letter and reads. Tears instantly well up in her eyes. She leaves the room and walks down the hall.

Kurt picks up the letter. “‘We’re pleased to inform you that your application to the University of California, Los Angeles has been accepted. As a part of our Academic Accelerated Program, we will require you to take our summer session at the main campus immediately following your high school graduation.’” He laughs. “She got in, Sam.”

Sam turns back to Mercedes and she holds him with sweet relief and redemption.

POBAW~POBAW~POBAW~POBAW

The next day, Sam’s laughing with his friends in the cafeteria.

_After that all Kurt could talk about was the future and how much cooler it’s going to be. Brittany got into Alvin Ailey, because, apparently, she got a perfect score on her SATs. Santana is going to the University of Louisville on a cheerleading scholarship, a brilliant idea from Brittany I might add. And Kurt’s going to NYADA to study Musical Theatre. Unfortunately for him, he’ll have to see Rachel there as well. But he said he would actively ignore her entire existence._

……

In shop class, Sam and a group of students stand, looking up at the wall.

_But he wasn’t going to leave without organizing the best senior prank ever. All the shop tools painted pink._

Mr. Callahan stares at the wall furiously. As the students gawk, Sam smiles to himself.

……

In the library, Mercedes, Santana, and Brittany chat excitedly about summer being almost here.

 _Mercedes is going to leave right after graduation. It all feels very exciting; I just wish it were happening to me._ Across from them, Sam’s sitting next to Kurt, finishing his letter. _Especially because ever since I blacked out in the cafeteria, it’s been getting worse. And I can’t turn it off this time._ He puts down his pencil.

……

It’s finally here, the last moments of the school year. Times Square has nothing on these seniors. Sam and Artie watch Mercedes, Kurt, Santana, Brittany, Puck, and Finn on their last day of high school. When the clock hits 10 seconds to 3:00PM, all the students chant…

10!

9!

8!

7!

6!

5!

4!

3!

2!

“Oh, my God, get me the fuck out of here!” yells Santana.

1!

They all cheer and hug each other. Santana loses her mind with joy and charges down the hallway. They run out to the football field, running up the bleachers.

_Dear Friend, I wanted to tell you about us running. There was this beautiful skyline. And just a few minutes before, almost everyone I love had their last day of high school ever. And I was happy because they were happy, even though I counted, and I have 180 days to go._

**Author's Note:**

> Song Used: They Long to Be Close to You (Glee Cast Version)


End file.
